Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Poem - Unknowing



Unknowing


Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted – Matthew 5:4


I am weary
I am aching inside from a lifetime, albeit short, of grief
I wallow in self-pity and somehow
Mix it with a sense of unfounded pride.
I slumber, but it is not a restful state
I continue out of necessity; not ambition
I am nothing
A small, tiny, insignificant dot on the bright canvas
Of life and humankind.

 I am not special; I have no purpose
I simply live for the sake of living
A coward.
A deception only visible through the mirror I cannot convince
My own mind.

I have no drive, no ambition
I simply don’t know myself well enough to know what I want
Out of my pitiful excuse for a life.

 I see others, scrambling over job vacancies;
Scanning the newspapers like a tiger, stalking for its prey
I see women in power suits; children on paper rounds; male nurses.
The world is a career world
A world where doors will open, regardless of gender, race, social class.
A world that should be my oyster; full of exciting opportunities and experiences
If only I’d reach out my stubborn hand to take them.

Instead I sit, my mind firmly rooted in imaginary scenarios and pipe dreams
No concept of realism;
No idea that my future depends on each choice I make today.

I have no interest in the real world; no interest in the ordinary.
I am extraordinary.
I am special.
I am better than this life
I just need to find out what is waiting for me.

 I do have a purpose
A job that only I can do
I just don’t know what it is yet.

But I will.

I was saved when I called upon the name of the Lord
I reached out to Him and He comforted me
And gave me the rest that my aching soul was screaming out for
He loves me regardless of my career; my aspirations.

He knows
And I am learning
He is all I need.


Copyright - Lisa Davies, October 11th, 2010.

If you use or distribute this work, please keep it in its entirety, and link back to this page so that the appropriate credit can be given. Also, please let me know if you do use any of my work, just as a courtesy. It's great to have feedback :)


Image originally from Deviant Art and adapted by me.



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