Unknowing
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will
be comforted – Matthew 5:4
I am weary
I am aching inside
from a lifetime, albeit short, of grief
I wallow in self-pity
and somehow
Mix it with a
sense of unfounded pride.
I slumber, but it
is not a restful state
I continue out of
necessity; not ambition
I am nothing
A small, tiny,
insignificant dot on the bright canvas
Of life and
humankind.
I am not special; I have no purpose
I simply live for
the sake of living
A coward.
A deception only
visible through the mirror I cannot convince
My own mind.
I have no drive,
no ambition
I simply don’t
know myself well enough to know what I want
Out of my pitiful
excuse for a life.
I see others, scrambling over job vacancies;
Scanning the
newspapers like a tiger, stalking for its prey
I see women in
power suits; children on paper rounds; male nurses.
The world is a
career world
A world where
doors will open, regardless of gender, race, social class.
A world that
should be my oyster; full of exciting opportunities and experiences
If only I’d reach
out my stubborn hand to take them.
Instead I sit, my
mind firmly rooted in imaginary scenarios and pipe dreams
No concept of
realism;
No idea that my future depends on each choice I make today.
No idea that my future depends on each choice I make today.
I have no interest
in the real world; no interest in the ordinary.
I am
extraordinary.
I am special.
I am better than
this life
I just need to
find out what is waiting for me.
I do have a purpose
A job that only I
can do
I just don’t know
what it is yet.
But I will.
I was saved when I
called upon the name of the Lord
I reached out to
Him and He comforted me
And gave me the
rest that my aching soul was screaming out for
He loves me
regardless of my career; my aspirations.
He knows
And I am learning
He is all I need.
Copyright - Lisa Davies, October 11th, 2010.
If you use or distribute this work, please keep it in its
entirety, and link back to this page so that the appropriate credit can be
given. Also, please let me know if you do use any of my work, just as a
courtesy. It's great to have feedback :)
Image originally from Deviant Art and adapted by me.
Image originally from Deviant Art and adapted by me.
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