I'm not sure if you recall, but a while ago I posted about Barrenness. Specifically, my "gut feeling" that I am barren and my wondering whether this could be a physical infertility or more of a spiritual barrenness.
If you remember, I admitted that I had never had any inkling that there was a problem with me physically and that I was unsure about whether I should even post the article in fear of having serious "egg on my face" if it turns out there was never an issue!
Well, fast forward and I have to admit that the mush you are seeing all over my face is indeed, egg!
It turns out I am not physically barren, I am 24 weeks pregnant and we had no problems at all!
I had very severe morning (and day, and night) sickness and couldn't even bear to look at my laptop, much less sit down and think of anything interesting to write, for the majority of the first and halfway into the second trimester. I feel a lot better now, thankfully, and have stopped the medication I was prescribed for it.
This leads me to the conclusion, though, that the emptiness I felt within me; the stirring dread I have contended with for all these years, must be a spiritual diagnosis.
I don't know how to deal with this!
If I were physically infertile, there are many options. I might not have taken a lot of them but they're there. My husband and I discussed adopting at great length and we both agreed it was something we would most likely do. It may still be an option for us in the future.
But what can you do about infertility of the spiritual type?! I can't very well go and adopt someone else's spiritual fruits and gifts, can I?
What does the Bible tell us about barrenness?
I guess if we look at the commonly read stories, such as Sarah and Rachel, it seems that all they had to do was trust God. They had to stop trying to fix things for themselves and just sit back and wait for Him to do what He promised them.
It was only when they took the problem into their own hands, with the likes of Haggai and Bilhah, that the bigger issues surfaced. In Rachel's case, as soon as she submitted to God, she was blessed with a son of her own!
So I guess this tells me that there is nothing, really, that I can do. The emptiness I feel is most likely a symptom of my lack of a spiritual connection to God. I have been rather lukewarm as of late, and I see that now. I think that as I spend more time in His presence and seek His face more and more, I will be spiritually healed and will finally feel whole again!
I pray that the Lord will open my spritual womb, just as He opened the wombs of Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel and many more!
