My husband and I have had a pretty rough ride this year. We've had an awful lot of trials and tests and while it's true that many of them are standard life trials, it seems that we've had more than our fair share.
Without boring you with details, we've come up against obstacles and issues in practically every area of our lives, from employment, home and housing, finances, health, car problems, dog problems, family needs and so on... it's just been one thing after another.
The one area we have remained steadfast is in our relationship, and I really thank the Lord for that. We have such a solid marriage and I'm so grateful that we complement each other so perfectly.
As you may recall from my last post, a while ago now, we are expecting our first child in January. There have been some complications and concerns which have seen us go to twice-weekly hospital appointments, and then I was admitted for monitoring. At this point in time we don't really know or understand what is happening; we have been advised that the best scenario may be to deliver within the next week or so, which would put us at anywhere between 31 and 33 weeks. All my plans and preparations go out of the window at this stage, which is difficult for a structure-loving planner such as myself, but is equally as necessary and non-negotiable, after all, we all just want the best for our children.
In these times, particularly this past few months or so, it would be so easy to feel that God has forsaken us. It would be so easy to point the finger heavenward and ask what He is playing at; to question His love for us and His ability or willingness to be our sustainer and provider.
When I have surrendered my life to the Lord and prayed on numerous occasions, face sodden with cascading tears; nose pressed into the carpet, for Him to just take control and lead me in the right direction... And I feel that I have not been answered, worse still, that I have been ignored, it becomes difficult to continue on.
I have prayed wholeheartedly for God to allow things to happen in HIS timing; for His will to be done in our lives. I am a firm believer in, "if God closes this door, there will be a reason". I prayed for Him to bless us with a child, when the time was right in His plan for our lives... It certainly didn't come at what I would consider the perfect timing as I had just left my job, but I trusted that God knows best and this is right and in line with His will.
Sometimes it can all become too much for me and I am not ashamed to admit that as a human being I feel defeated at times. I may sit and chew my nail polish off in anxiety, or break down in tears from stress or worry, or simply retreat into my little inward bubble and try to soothe or pacify myself somehow.
Some days I don't feel like doing anything, and even music doesn't help. I am a firm believer, though, in worshipping through the storm. Even when I don't feel particularly worshipful, when I really can't be bothered and it seems like quite a sacrifice to worship, that's when I think it's the most important time to do so!
One song which has never failed to help me when I'm in these slumps is Kari Jobe's "I Am Not Alone" (lyrics here). It is such a perfect reminder that even though we may face trials, even though we feel as though we're drowning in life's troubles, God is always there. He never, ever, leaves or forsakes us.
It is times like this when I have to remind myself of the beautiful story of the Footprints in the Sand. When I have to find the strength and faith to just trust that even though I feel alone and neglected in some areas of my life, I believe in a benevolent God; a Father who loves me beyond comprehension, and I am certain that in years to come when I look back on this difficult season and see only one set of footprints bearing the load, I will be comforted in knowing that not only was my Father carrying my burden for me, but He was carrying my exhausted and desperate body as well.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest"
- Matthew 11:28 (NIV)
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me"
- Psalm 23:4 (ESV)
- Lisa
Image - Footprints in the Sand - credit to euzhaphotography via DeviantArt - CLICK HERE FOR LINK
Video - Kari Jobe - I Am Not Alone (Live) - CLICK HERE FOR LINK
If you've never read the Footprints poem, you're really missing out. Here it is...
Footprints
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you.”
- Mary Stevenson
