Barrenness

My new husband and I have just moved into our very first home. It's great, but a little strange. I never realised all there is to do in a house: cleaning; shopping; organising... There's things we had on our "to buy" list which are pretty ordinary but then there were so many things we hadn't even thought of, because they've always "just been there" - our mums just always had them in!

We're still living around and out of suitcases and boxes - we've only been here a couple of weeks and we're slowly but surely getting sorted. One thing we've struggled with is the lack of internet access. We had to wait for our internet to be connected and while we were waiting I didn't touch my laptop at all. Not once. In fact, we even went to my mum's to use her WiFi on my phone!

I guess I figured that without the internet, there's no reason to go on it. Forgetting that I had all our wedding photos from the photographer to sort through and order for family and friends. That's all on there. As is my CV and other job application things I could have been using; all my music, documents and games.

Basically, I refused to use my laptop because it didn't have the internet; the thing I used most often and the main reason I ever powered it up. It didn't matter that it was still a useable product, it still had plenty of other uses and worth, but it didn't have the one thing I wanted at that time.

This got me thinking about my body.

Now, I've never been to the doctor; never been diagnosed; never even had any sign or symptom that something may be wrong. I just have a feeling.

I've steered clear of bringing this up on here for fear of: a) offending people who are genuinely struggling with it; and b) having serious egg on my face if it never becomes an issue and I worried for nothing!

I've been adamant for a number of years now that I will struggle to conceive a child. There are many reasons for this, many of which are too complex for me to go into on such a public forum and with limited time and space. The main reason is that I just feel it. I feel it in my heart; I feel it in my gut.

As I said, there's never been any indication that I am barren or will struggle in any way to have a child. None at all. But just like my laptop, I've resigned myself to the fact that it's not going to work and I'll have to find another way, just like using mum's WiFi, we have already discussed at length, the possibility of adopting.

I have noticed that there seems to be a large number of couples struggling to conceive within the church. I'm not sure whether there's a correlation or if it's just a coincidence. Perhaps it's true what they say abut a church being a hospital for the needy and desperate. I guess that I accepted that in becoming a Christian, I may have given up my ability to bear a child (silly, I know!)

I even read Bible stories about barrenness: Rachel and Jacob; Rebekah and Isaac; Sarah and Abraham; Elizabeth (eventual mother of John the Baptist). It seemed that the tables were turned in the end and they each received their miracle. This gave me hope that perhaps there was a reason I was going to be barren and eventually it would become my own miracle.

It also made me think about spiritual barrenness. Perhaps my gut feeling isn't that I will be physically barren, in that I won't be able to give my husband a child, but perhaps it could simply be due to the spiritual barrenness I feel within my aching soul. I'm not yet able to interpret God's voice, so maybe this is how it manifests itself in me - by a feeling.

I could be so yearning for a baptism in the Holy Spirit, for a Gift of the Spirit, that I am misinterpreting what I assume is a maternal hunger. I've been maternal all my life. From a very young age, even as a child, I have known that I am meant to be a mother. I truly do believe that's the reason I'm here, and we only have to watch movies to see that the people who are the most desperate for children are the ones who will struggle to have them. I know life isn't like a movie but they must have come up with the ideas somewhere!

Anyway. I do wonder, but there's no point in worrying unnecessarily. We're only just married, we're not going to be thinking about starting a family just yet. In the meantime I will trust that God knows what He is doing and whether I bear my own biological children or we choose to adopt a child, I will be a mother one day and our family will be complete. As for me and my house, we will praise the Lord!

I'm praying over my spiritual gifting, just as I'm praying to know God's plan for my life so that I can start walking in His will. I'm hopeful that the emptiness I feel within myself will right itself when I am in a better place with God. When I was first saved I had a fire bubbling up in my stomach, I was excited and I felt that I was so close to God and His will for me. I feel that I've been seperated somewhat from that place and I need to find a way to get back there. I pray that when I do climb back up to God's throne room, that missing piece will be there waiting for me. Whether it's in the form of a Spiritual Gift or just to rekindle the fire I once had.

I'm leaving you now, excited, rather than dejected!

God promised all those women that they would not be barren forever. I'm holding Him to that covenant for myself!

Keep claiming your promises!

- Lisa xx

The Best Wedding Gift

Sorry guys, this is VERY pic-heavy!

I got married!

I keep asking Riki, "Are we still newlyweds?" - It's been five weeks and I'm worrying that our 'specialness' is wearing off. I still want everyone to think of us as newlyweds. Forever!

We're just about to move into our first home next week so are incredibly busy (and broke), albeit not quite as busy (or broke) as we have been whilst planning the wedding!

Some of the highlights of our day:



My step-sister helping my mum to dress me in the morning - we've had a couple of issues in the past but I'm so glad she was there, it meant so much and just felt right.



My big brother walking me down the aisle (one of my favouite people in all the world)



Giving Grandad a kiss as I walked down the aisle - I love my Grandad, he's one of my absolute favourite people ever. He was always going to walk me down the aisle but at 72 and with Lewy Body and Parkinsons, he wan't able to. I was gutted but this was the next best way to honour him. We've had a special kiss for as long as I can remember. I give him a kiss and then we wipe each others mouths - we're rubbing it in, not wiping it off!

We were married at the Baptist Church I grew up in - It'll always be my home, even though we attend a different church, the Baptist Church will always hold a special place in my heart. It was nice, though, to have my Pastor come up to pray a blessing over us as soon as we were pronounced husband and wife.

We also asked Auntie Joan to come up to serve us communion - I wanted it to be our first act as man and wife. Auntie Joan isn't a blood-auntie, she started the Sunday school for my brother and I when we first started attending the Baptist church, when I was around 2 years old. Riki and I absolutely love her and in Riki's words, "she is the world's best hugger!"

I made pretty much everything myself. I didn't really want flowers so made a button ball (you all know I'm obsessed with buttons!)  and smaller ones for my two bridesmaids. I also made button boutonierres for the men. I wore my cowboy boots (Thank you for all your prayers - they fit on the day!) and all in all it was a lovely day. The sun came out like never before - we were worried it might snow as it has snowed in March for the past couple of years - we couldn't have ordered a better day if we'd tried!

The day was everything we wanted and more. I thought I couldn't be happier.

We went to a country music festival in Dublin for the weekend - we left our wedding in the evening to go straight to the airport - flying the next morning - not realising that we had left our festival tickets at home. My mum, bless her, she drove all the way to Manchester Airport first thing to bring them. We're so blessed to have her!

The festival was great but that's not the reason I'll remember that weekend in Dublin. The second day we were there, we were walking down the high street - we were cold and hadn't taken coats so we found a Primark (they're called Penney's in Dublin) and bought jumpers - and I spotted a street evangelist. I love to go and chat to them so I walked over, holding my new husband's hand.

As we were chatting, the man, named Noel Butler, asked Riki if he knew what they were doing. Riki answered, "Yeah, kind of". I told him I was a Christian and we were newlyweds on honeymoon - I didn't want to pressure Riki and thought I'd give him an out. To my astonishment, the man started telling Riki all about Jesus and how He died for our sins. I was silently begging him to talk about God's great love as I think that's the most important part. He finally did, after the fire and brimstone bit (equally as important!) and then he told Riki that one day, he's going to have to deal with eternity and his soul's eternal resting place.

I expected Riki to smile and nod but when he asked if he was ready to accept Jesus as his Lord and Saviour, Riki said yes.

Oh my word! I almost cried! I stood there, holding Riki's hand as he said the Sinner's Prayer, right there in the middle of Dublin city centre. With a random street preacher. I couldn't believe it! I was so desperate for Riki to be saved before we got married and then I pretty much gave up. It's been so difficult but I left it in God's hands and literally two days after I trusted God and married Riki, He sets us this amazing divine appointment and gives me the best wedding gift I could have ever hoped for!

Noel didn't seem to realise how much I was affected by this, and I think I held it together pretty well, although I did text my Mum and a really good friend from church almost straight away! He prayed for our marriage as a "young Christian couple, wanting to walk in God's path" - which made me so happy I almost cried, again!

Now, Riki hasn't seemed to change very much, although he's a pretty stand up guy anyway. I don't think it would have ever been a major "realisiation" moment or epiphany where your life turns around completely. I think for him it would be more of a gift of faith. I think he's still working on a lot of questions and issues, and he hasn't mentioned it since so I haven't either - I don't want to push it. He doesn't seem any more interested in church than he was before, but still. He's made a massive decision. A huge step of faith for him to stand there in the middle of a city and proclaim that he's a sinner and wants Jesus to enter his heart.

I couldn't be happier. Please keep praying for him, and for us as Christian newlyweds!

-Lisa

Tough Questions

You all know me; I like to question myself. I like to question others. I like to question everything! I'm not a "take it as I find it" kind of girl. I like this about myself, I think it helps me to get to know myself and my feelings better. Riki says that it's a great trait to have and something he loves and respects about me - that I don't just take things at face value; I go out of my way to figure out how I feel about it myself.

He says I'm the best kind of Christian (his words, not mine!) because I'm not dictated to by a religion. I'm not lost in rules and regulations. I don't believe something simply because someone tells me to. I question everything, I examine my heart and then I make a decision. Sometimes I have to be honest and say, "I'm not sure how I feel about that just yet", or, "I haven't really given that enough thought to have an opinion". I'm very open minded and I try to understand other peoples' opinions and thoughts, even if they don't match up to my own. I'm genuinely interested in other points of view and I'm strong enough in my faith to be able to question my own beliefs.

The reason I'm thinking about this tonight is that I was telling Riki about how when Jesus walked the earth, all I would have to do is touch the hem of His garment and I would be healed (Mark 5:27-29). In fact, there were some who didn't even need to touch Him; their faith alone allowed them to be healed! How amazing would that have been?

I then said that I wish I would have been around when Jesus was. I feel like I miss Him, even though I've never met Him. How can you miss something you've never really had? I understand that He was resurrected. I understand about the Holy Spirit, the same Spirit that was in Jesus, being all around us but it's not the same thing. It's not what I meant. I meant that I wish I could have met the physical man of Jesus. But don't we all?

After discussing this for a minute or two, I opened up to Riki about a fear I have regularly...

If I were around when Jesus was, how can I be sure that I would have accepted Him? How can I know that I would have followed Him? How on earth can I say, without a shadow of a doubt, that I wouldn't have been one of the crowd, crying out for his crucifixion?

I know that a lot of you will read this and think, "Well, why does it matter? She wasn't there anyway so why waste time thinking about it?!" - But to me it isn't a waste of time. I struggle with this thought and the only way I know to combat something like this is to explore it. So it matters to me!

I know that if someone came along now, claiming to be the Saviour; the Messiah, I'd have something to say about it. I'd call him a blasphemer and I would certainly not be clambering over myself to get a touch of his hem.

But what's the difference? Some of those crowds were devout Jews, who knew, loved, and feared God. They weren't about to let some carpenter from Nazareth come and claim all God's glory. How is that any different from how I feel - I know my Jesus and I love and revere Him. I know that He is my Saviour; the one and only Son of God. I know it's not going to happen but how could I trust anyone else if they claim to be another Messiah?

I hope and pray that my faith, strong as it is now, would have been enough to see me through the trials of Jesus' time. I pray that if I had been there, I'd be amongst the tiny, lonely voices, crying out for Jesus. Although, knowing that He had to die in order to fulfil the Scriptures, I probably wouldn't want to stop them from killing Him - but that's a whole other question for another day!

It's worth thinking about anyway. Is your faith strong enough to question yourself and your beliefs? Do you think you would have been brave enough to go against the norm and follow Jesus? It was a much more difficult journey than we could ever understand! We've got it so easy these days - we might be called names and ridiculed, our colleagues may scoff at our beliefs and challenge them, we might even lose a few friends along the way but would you have risked your life for it?

Food for thought.
Until next time (I won't leave it so long, I promise!)
- Lisa


Brain Wash image from here and adapted by me
Touching the Hem image from here - really enjoyed the post too, go read it!
Crucify Him image from here

Saying So Long

This morning I went to church for the first time in around eight weeks. (I haven't been able to drive after surgery on my foot). What a great morning to return. The first meeting of the new year and the worship was great (albeit missing a drummer - you all know how much I love the drums). Pastor's message was just right; just what I needed anyway - he was talking about God's plan and having a vision for our lives. How we should keep going after it and striving for it.

Cut to the end of the meeting and Pastor had some news to share. His brother, a member of our Pastoral team, was leaving. He and his family are trusting in God and are preparing to go wherever He leads them. They have no idea where this may be but are living in total faith.

Obviously it's difficult when someone important moves on to pastures new, but I wasn't expecting to be as devastated as I was. I'm still not sure why it affected me so much. I love the whole family dearly and they are such an integral part of our church. I always say that my church is unique because there's genuine love there. A lot of churches have a loving and compassionate congregation but as I've said before, as soon as I walk in the door I feel and sense the love we have for one another. It's really beautiful - as cliche as it sounds, I truly feel like part of a family.

I think it's so important to have people in life, whether they're family, friends, colleagues, or fellow believers, who we can chat to, ask questions, and generally turn to in times of need. In my life I have a few people I can rely on but when it comes to matters of faith, I find myself turning to this family. I have a lot of questions and I've learned so much from each member of the five-strong family, at some time or another. Their teaching and messages have been some of the ones I'll remember for the rest of my life - it's not everyday that you respond so deeply to someone's words.

This made me think, though. How can we respond so differently to a word preached by one person, and the exact same word preached by someone else? How can we "prefer" one preacher over another? Aren't the messages coming from the same place?

I guess the way I look at it is this. In life we are naturally inclined to "click" with certain people more than others. Just think about your own life; I'll bet there's someone who, try as you might, you just can't seem to get on with. Now I'm not saying that I don't "like" other pastors or preachers; just that I respond more to some than others.

Another thing is the style of preaching. The way that the message is written and delivered is important and I personally enjoy a teaching style, where I can make notes to refer back to later. I like it to have a structure that makes sense and I like to have an idea of what's coming.

It's not every day, every week or even every year that a message is delivered in such a way that it stirs my soul and resonates so deeply that I know, even at the very moment of hearing it, that I will remember it for the rest of my life. In fact I can probably count on one hand the people who have the ability to provoke such a strong response from me. It's a gift and I would imagine that there are lots more people out there with this gift, but they aren't aware. They think that because they're not ministers or pastors, that they can't possibly get up and share a message they've prepared, even if that message has come directly from God, through His Holy Spirit. That's a huge shame. Imagine what the world could be if we all took a small step of faith.

My church is a powerful place. It's the place where the Spirit of God resides and is so tangible that sometimes, it can take your breath away. It can reduce us to tears; have us rolling around the floor in laughter; can shock us with prophetic words and signs and wonders. I have even been in a meeting, one Sunday night, where the evangelist didn't even share his message. The atmosphere so heavy with with the Spirit of God that we were all silent. Nobody dared to, or wanted to, speak. Nobody wanted to leave either! Eventually we all got into a huge laughing fit and it was as if we were watching a stand-up comedian - but the only one moving was the Spirit!

I love my church but I understand that this isn't a place for everyone to stay forever. We have to make space for others to experience it, and at the same time, allow the next generation of leaders, evangelists, prophets and ministers to step out in faith, showing the world how they have grown in their knowledge and faith. Allowing them to complete the work that had been intended for them all along.

I'm beginning to think of it as a training establishment, and sometimes we have to be grateful for the short time that we have access to such amazing men and women of God, but then we have to allow them to move on and bless others. We have to shower them with prayer and blessings and pray that they continue in the path God has ordained for them. We have to loosen our grip on them and, in my case, our reliance. After all, it's not man or woman who has the answers; it's God! I just have to (literally) cut out the middle man now, and figure out how to hear from God by myself!

So yes, I'm saddened. In fact I feel like my heart could break, but I understand that it's part of God's plan and so I am happy for the family that we are losing today. Our loss is the Kingdom's gain and I hope that someday I might be on the other side, saying goodbye to my safe, comfortable life and stepping out in faith to follow God's plan for me... whatever that might be!

Why No Posts?

OK, let me be honest with you all now.

I've been away for a while and while it's true that I've been busy wedding planning (it's less than three months away y'know!) and I've had surgery on my foot (it's almost healed now) the real reason I've been avoiding, yes actually avoiding, my blog is twofold:

At a prayer meeting at church we were discussing testimonies and I complained, again, that I don't have a testimony. My friend challenged me and told me that she wants to read all about my testimony on my blog... I've struggled to write it but I didn't want to let her down so I also didn't post anything else.

Secondly, and this is quite embarrassing as you're going to be acquainted with a really annoying part of myself... The last time I was on here I tried to make some changes to the font style and such. It wasn't working and I got so frustrated I almost burst into tears and slammed the laptop closed, never to blog again!

That's me! I'm easily flustered and I just don't know what to do so I just throw a mini tantrum like a three year old... Have you ever played with on of those wire loop things where you have to get the metal key to the other side without it touching? I think that's where it started - it made me feel physically sick and I was so frustrated I just wanted to throw it against a wall! Maybe I have rage issues, haha!

So I'm working on it...

- Lisa

Poem - Gentle Jesus

Gentle Jesus

 

Little lamb

Meek and mild

Jesus Christ

Gentle child

You are the Messiah

The Saviour of all

The Son of God

At Your feet I fall

I cry to You for deliverance

For mercy at Your feet

I see You touching others

Healing everyone You meet

My Lord I come to You in need

With faith I know You’ll comply

Your heart is for the restless souls

Your love great for those who cry

Baby Jesus; a King was born

A King to take my sin away

A King to grant me eternal life

To love so that others may

Precious Lord, my saving Grace

You’ll return with force

No longer meek, but Mighty

A warrior, fighting upon a horse

You promised to come back for us

A Bridegroom for His Bride

You’ll slay the evil captors

And sit at the Father’s side

Gentle Jesus meek and mild

If only they know the truth

Jesus the Warrior, come to fight

Eye for eye; tooth for tooth

Copyright - Lisa Davies, November 8th, 2010.

If you use or distribute this work, please keep it in its entirety, and link back to this page so that the appropriate credit can be given. Also, please let me know if you do use any of my work, just as a courtesy. It's great to have feedback :)

A Personal Tribute

Friday was the hardest day of my life so far.

Two weeks ago, Thursday 17 October, Riki had just started making dinner and I was with mum in the living room - we were about to sit down for a family games night. As I went to help Riki in the kitchen, mum answered the phone and shouted that my cousin's house was on fire.

Obviously we dropped everything and went straight to her house, which was less than a two-minute drive down the road. As we were leaving, we thought it would be something simple, like a chip-pan fire. We got to the end of our street and saw a fire engine speeding past, sirens and blue lights and all, our hearts sank and we started to worry.

We arrived to find fire engines, ambulances and so many by-standers we could barely reach the house.

The press were like vultures, they were there in less than 30 minutes and were right in our faces. I was absolutely disgusted. They have provided news stories and articles which were erroneous and, in some instances, outright slanderous. I felt it was my duty to tell the truth.

My cousin had been out at her weekly marching band practice and had left her two children, a six year-old boy, D, and two year-old girl, L, with our other cousin, aged 15, who was babysitting with his eleven year-old brother.

I found D standing in the next-door neighbour's doorway, in just his underpants. I instantly took off my cardigan, wrapped him up and scooped him into my arms, sending Riki to the car for another coat for him.  I located my cousins, the boys who had been babysitting, and they seemed to be ok. Then I realised I hadn't seen the little girl. I started asking, "Where's the baby?", grabbing every fireman, paramedic and bystander, "Where's baby? Where's L?" Nobody was able to help and eventually we learned that she had already been taken to hospital in an ambulance.

Again, the house didn't look to be in too much of a bad state, until they opened the upstairs window and smoke started billowing out, so thick it was still window-shaped. That's when I knew it was worse than we thought.

My cousin returned from band practice, after being collected by her grandad. The first thing she did was to scream, "What's happened? Where's my babies?"

The next ten or twenty minutes are a bit of a blur. I gave D to a female paramedic who had just arrived as he hadn't been checked over yet - none of the boys had been. They wanted to take them all to hospital to check them over properly.

A police officer asked my cousin if she had a way to get to the hospital as she doesn't drive - we said that one of us would drive her. Five minutes later the police officer returned to say that he would take her in his patrol car. My mum went with her as her own mother had gone in the ambulance with the boys. Riki and I went to pick up my uncle so that he and my aunt, the babysitters' parents, could go to the hospital to be with their sons. I left the scene, stating, "She'll be fine. I'll get everyone praying for her".

We were in our house when we learned that L had passed away. She was lifeless when she'd arrived at the hospital but they had done everything they could. My aunt broke down, obviously, but I don't think I'd quite accepted it yet. We drove to the hospital almost in silence, my aunt had calmed down as she wanted to be strong for the boys - they weren't aware.

My mum was in the family room with my cousin when they were told the news. My cousin's mum hadn't arrived yet. I can't imagine how difficult that was. My cousin kept asking my mum to tell her it wasn't true saying, "Auntie R, do something". When we arrived we went in to the boys and stayed there to keep them company. They didn't know and it was the most difficult couple of hours of my life, especially when the nurse gave D a cuddly toy and after playing with it for a while, he stated, "I'm going to give this to L".

That night I drove my cousin home, along with her mum and little D. Obviously she couldn't go to her house so she stayed with her mum. It was a difficult journey. My cousin was just numb; in total shock but trying to be strong for her six year-old son. I didn't know what to say, I just kept asking if she was warm enough, cool enough, etc. I was so pathetic.

The inquest was opened but adjourned on the same day. It'll re-open in six months but we are expecting the cause to be an electrical fault. There was no smoke alarm in the property; I can't go into too many details due to the inquest but I can say that my 15 year-old cousin was amazing. I'm so proud of the way he reacted so quickly. He even took off his t-shirt, soaked it in water and tried to get into the room to save L but unfortunately, he was unable to. He did everything he possibly could have and nobody else would have been able to do any more. If he wasn't so mature and reactive, there could well have been another three victims. He needs our support and prayers during this time as I doubt he'll ever be able to move on fully.

Friday was L's funeral. I've never seen such a small casket, it was purple with white daisies. The service was beautiful but devastating. It still didn't seem real. The press were there, again. I couldn't believe that such an emotional and sacred ceremony wasn't safe from the tabloids. One newspaper even has quotations taken from the Reverend's eulogy. How they got those, I'll never know. Another newpaper has a video of us on their website, from one angle it looks as though the reporter was lying on the ground, waiting for us to walk past with the coffin.

I haven't really allowed myself to cry or grieve as I've always been the strong one in my family and I'm scared that if I start, I won't be able to stop again. I've let a few tears escape but I know that eventually, if I keep them inside, it'll turn to strength. We all deal with things differently and I guess this is just my way.

***

This is my family - it isn't just a news story or a juicy tidbit to gossip over. Our family lost one of our children in one of the most tragic ways possible and we're grieving. It has taken a lot of thought and debate about whether I should post this but I guess the reason I wanted to share it with you all is because I know there'll be questions. The news have reported just the bits and pieces they wanted to, complete with the wrong hospital, the wrong ages and even the wrong number of children in the house - who knows what else was wrong - I can only tell the facts as I saw them.

My cousin lost her baby girl. A six year-old boy lost his baby sister. They will never see her smiling face again, never hear her voice. They'll never get to see her first day of school or her first attempt at writing her name. I can't imagine how that feels. In her novel, My Sister's Keeper, Jodi Picoult writes, "In the English language there are orphans and widows, but there is no word for the parents who lose a child" - I believe this is the case because there's simply no pain like it.

A lot of people will question my faith in this time. I've heard people say, "I'm not very religious but if there is a God, why would He allow this to happen?" or, "Why would God do this?"

I'm not going to lie to you; I've struggled with this question myself but I've never doubted God. I have to accept that God has a plan which is bigger than all of us. I think we have to take comfort wherever we can find it in these times and I guess I find comfort in the idea that most of us spend our whole lives striving to get to heaven; God allowed L to get there without having to face the hardships of life. Who's to know what she might have had to endure in her life, all I know is that God has a plan and we have to respect that plan, and who knows, perhaps even be grateful for it in the long term.

As for the "How can God do this?" argument, I don't believe in placing blame. God gives us free will and He didn't stand there in the bedroom with a lighter or a match. He didn't make this happen. He might have known it was going to happen, but I don't believe He orchestrated it. He just has to be there to deal with the heartbreak and, if we'll allow Him, to comfort us and give us the peace that we so need in these times.

My family is strong and very tight-knit. I thank God for them and their strength but I ask each one of you to hold us up in your prayers, especially my cousin and her son, as they prepare to move into a new house without their beautiful princess, I pray that they will feel the loving and comforting arms of our God and that there will be a peace coming over them. Although there will always be a hollowness in their home and in their hearts, I pray that L's memory will live on.

I also ask you to pray for my cousin, the 15 year-old boy who was babysitting. He is struggling in a lot of ways but I pray that he will also be comforted and that any spirit of guilt or blame will be loosed from him. That young man deserves a medal, not gossip and malicious rumours preventing him from returning to school. I pray that he will have peace and will be able to move on, as much as possible. That he will sleep soundly at night, without images and scenarios running around in his mind.

I also pray for the wider family: grandparents; great-grandparents; aunts; uncles; and cousins. I ask that you will join with me in praying for my family. I am upholding them in prayer as much as I can but it's a big job for one person. I pray that we will become even stronger as a family unit and that together, we will get through the heartache and devastation. I pray that God's plan and purpose will be revealed and that my family may come to know Him through the comfort and peace that
they feel.

Lastly, I ask you to join me in thanking God for the short life that L had - the short time that we were blessed enough to have had with her and the impact that she has made on so many lives; not just her family and friends but the wider community and even the nation. Complete strangers have been so touched by this tragedy and have been more generous than anyone could ever imagine. Even in such a difficult and trying time, we need to find times to rejoice and thank the Lord for His goodness!

As I said earlier, we have different ways of letting out our emotions and grief. Thank you for allowing me an outlet for mine.

-Lisa