Tough Questions

You all know me; I like to question myself. I like to question others. I like to question everything! I'm not a "take it as I find it" kind of girl. I like this about myself, I think it helps me to get to know myself and my feelings better. Riki says that it's a great trait to have and something he loves and respects about me - that I don't just take things at face value; I go out of my way to figure out how I feel about it myself.

He says I'm the best kind of Christian (his words, not mine!) because I'm not dictated to by a religion. I'm not lost in rules and regulations. I don't believe something simply because someone tells me to. I question everything, I examine my heart and then I make a decision. Sometimes I have to be honest and say, "I'm not sure how I feel about that just yet", or, "I haven't really given that enough thought to have an opinion". I'm very open minded and I try to understand other peoples' opinions and thoughts, even if they don't match up to my own. I'm genuinely interested in other points of view and I'm strong enough in my faith to be able to question my own beliefs.

The reason I'm thinking about this tonight is that I was telling Riki about how when Jesus walked the earth, all I would have to do is touch the hem of His garment and I would be healed (Mark 5:27-29). In fact, there were some who didn't even need to touch Him; their faith alone allowed them to be healed! How amazing would that have been?

I then said that I wish I would have been around when Jesus was. I feel like I miss Him, even though I've never met Him. How can you miss something you've never really had? I understand that He was resurrected. I understand about the Holy Spirit, the same Spirit that was in Jesus, being all around us but it's not the same thing. It's not what I meant. I meant that I wish I could have met the physical man of Jesus. But don't we all?

After discussing this for a minute or two, I opened up to Riki about a fear I have regularly...

If I were around when Jesus was, how can I be sure that I would have accepted Him? How can I know that I would have followed Him? How on earth can I say, without a shadow of a doubt, that I wouldn't have been one of the crowd, crying out for his crucifixion?

I know that a lot of you will read this and think, "Well, why does it matter? She wasn't there anyway so why waste time thinking about it?!" - But to me it isn't a waste of time. I struggle with this thought and the only way I know to combat something like this is to explore it. So it matters to me!

I know that if someone came along now, claiming to be the Saviour; the Messiah, I'd have something to say about it. I'd call him a blasphemer and I would certainly not be clambering over myself to get a touch of his hem.

But what's the difference? Some of those crowds were devout Jews, who knew, loved, and feared God. They weren't about to let some carpenter from Nazareth come and claim all God's glory. How is that any different from how I feel - I know my Jesus and I love and revere Him. I know that He is my Saviour; the one and only Son of God. I know it's not going to happen but how could I trust anyone else if they claim to be another Messiah?

I hope and pray that my faith, strong as it is now, would have been enough to see me through the trials of Jesus' time. I pray that if I had been there, I'd be amongst the tiny, lonely voices, crying out for Jesus. Although, knowing that He had to die in order to fulfil the Scriptures, I probably wouldn't want to stop them from killing Him - but that's a whole other question for another day!

It's worth thinking about anyway. Is your faith strong enough to question yourself and your beliefs? Do you think you would have been brave enough to go against the norm and follow Jesus? It was a much more difficult journey than we could ever understand! We've got it so easy these days - we might be called names and ridiculed, our colleagues may scoff at our beliefs and challenge them, we might even lose a few friends along the way but would you have risked your life for it?

Food for thought.
Until next time (I won't leave it so long, I promise!)
- Lisa


Brain Wash image from here and adapted by me
Touching the Hem image from here - really enjoyed the post too, go read it!
Crucify Him image from here