Helium Balloons and Takesy-Backsies

Guess where I’m writing this post from… Want a clue? It’s pretty dark and cold and very uncomfortable…

I’m in my car in the car park of my church!

No, I haven’t gone mad. Nor have I found a sweet writing spot. Riki has joined an Alpha course (Praise God!) and rather than driving all the way back home to have to drive back to pick him up again in a couple of hours, I figured I’d stay and wait. I guess I could have gone inside but I’ve already done an Alpha course a few years ago. As much as I loved it and would definitely do another, I felt it was important for him to do this by himself – allow him to really open up and spend quality time fellowshipping without me taking the lead!

So I’m in the car park. I have a bunch of unfinished blog posts in my Drafts folder – I don’t know why I can’t seem to finish any to a decent “post-able” standard. I’m a perfectionist and I often think, “there’s something else there, something missing, but what?” so it goes onto the drafts pile.

If I’m honest, I’ve been struggling again recently. I’m back to trying to “help” God in Riki’s salvation.

Last week he didn’t go to Alpha and I was so upset and frustrated, I sat in the kitchen watching the washing machine go around, rather than talking to him! I know it’s not helping anything and I can’t force him, but I'm only human. I thought he’d made a breakthrough and then taken a step back. 

I find myself having to tell God (and myself) more and more often that I trust Him and I know that it’s in His time, not mine, etc, etc… Maybe one day it’ll sink in and I’ll finally let go and let God deal with it!

I guess that’s what I wanted to post about tonight. It’s one of the many notes I’ve jotted down but not gotten around to creating a post around; letting go.

I’ve posted something about letting go of our sicknesses and labels (here) but this is a general thing, based on my own experience.

Generally, I say to myself and to my friends, “Give up; there’s no more you can physically do, it’s time to let go and give it to God”.

Easy, peasy?

Nope!

It’s certainly one of those “easier said than done” things.

You see, I’m great at giving up. I’m brilliant at asking God to take control of whatever I’m struggling with. I’m even pretty good at releasing that tight hold I have.

Try to imagine, if you will, a helium balloon. This symbolises my issue or struggle.  It naturally tries to float away, out of my control, up towards the heavens. This is how it is with whatever we’re clinging to – God is trying to take it away and deal with it for us but unless we let go and allow it to float up to Him, it’s going nowhere!

I can let go of the balloon, no problem. I might even try to give it a head start by thrusting it upwards, “Incoming! Catch, Lord, it’s Yours now!”

But what’s this? As it’s floating up towards the only One who can sort it out, it suddenly comes to a halt and that’s when we see that there’s a piece of string, pulled taut and attached to the bottom of the balloon. Where’s the other end? That’s right, in my hand! I’ve relinquished my grip on the balloon, the struggle, but I’m not letting go completely! I need to keep some control over it – I need to keep some kind of ownership of it. It’s my problem, and I’m not letting go of it. I guess it could even come back to the “it’s part of me and who I am” mind-set I’ve discussed before.

So what are the implications of clinging onto this balloon? Well from a purely physical standpoint, it’s exhausting! It’s trying to break free and I’m expending all my strength trying to keep hold of it. Have you ever tried walking a very large, very boisterous dog? They're wanting to run and they almost pull your arm out of its socket as you try to rein them in! From a spiritual point of view it’s even more worrisome. Why should God keep fighting and pulling against me, trying to help me, if I’m not co-operating? How long will He try? How many chances do I get?

So how long will we keep doing this? How often will God try to step in and help us out, only to have it metaphorically thrown back in His face?

How can we have the audacity to ask for His help; to tell Him that it’s His, and then ask for it back, or worse still, never truly give it in the first place?

Imagine if you had a friend who was going to give you a gift. She’d been telling you for weeks or months about this gift and you were really excited about it. How about when the day comes along and you’re expectant, you’ve prepared yourself and you’re on your way to meet her to collect this gift. How would you feel if she turned up empty handed? Oh yes, she had bought the gift but then decided that she wanted to keep it for herself.

I don’t think I’d be too far wrong if I said that you’d be a little peeved. It’s only natural! I’d probably think she were selfish, inconsiderate and, quite frankly, a little rude!

When I was at primary school we had a saying. If someone had given a gift, or even something as insignificant as a chewing gum, and then asked for it back, we’d call them “taker-backerers”. I know it’s childish (I’ve heard other names for it but I don’t think they’re quite as charming, or politically correct!)

Obviously, this isn’t the same thing. God is merciful and ever understanding, and I don’t think He would be angry or annoyed with us. I doubt He’d call us names anyway, but I certainly wouldn’t want to be a “taker-backerer” from God!

It’s difficult, and nobody can deny that, but imagine the freedom when we finally let go of those things we’re bound by!

I’m not going to lie to you, I can’t give you a 3-step program, not even a 12-step program to get to that place, because I’m still struggling with it myself. I have no idea what works, or how to make it easier. All I can say is, PRAY! Pray over it and ask for God’s strength; His courage and boldness. There’s no way that we can do this kind of spiritual release in our own strength. We need God.

Keep on it; it’ll be worth your while!

-          And keep me posted!

Be blessed,

-Lisa